Living

What do you do?

It’s like the third question you ask or are asked upon meeting someone. And the subtext is really how do you make money? What is your job/career? How do you spend the bulk of your days?

I think we ask each other this because it shows both our status and also defines something greater about our personality and values. The answer to that question helps us categorize a bunch of stuff about a person more quickly. Of course how someone spends a “workday” can actually tell very little about the person. For me, the worst is when a person says what they do and then quickly makes excuses or reasons for it, anticipating a judgment of them that they do not like. My own answer to this question over the years has almost never matched the judgment I felt best reflected me. But this is the dance.

Before the pandemic, I was working. But since that time, for an abundance of reasons, I am not. When I bump into people I know, they ask me if I am still at my job and I say no. Then they ask what I am doing. I have no answer. So I just say “living.” I say this not to be cute but because there is no other word. I watch people struggle with his answer. It does not help them get a picture of me, of my status, my state.

Every day is different. I am not able to plan my days because life is chaotic and I need to make room to be ready for what the day brings. Some days are very busy fulfilling my duties and other days I just have time. I walk, I read, I write, I even joined a yoga studio. Living. I am actually really enjoying living. The day is open. I am many things. I flex with the day. I take stock of what is not changeable about the day and make a plan around it. I am more intentional about keeping my body and mind and space in order. I steal moments to reflect or rest. I enjoy living so much so that I am sad it took a series of bad circumstances to allow myself such a mindset.

I’m not sure what the future holds but I hope no matter how I spend my days I will be able to think of it as living.