More Than Goodbye
We have always been a family that made much of good-byes. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, or even just a summer get-together. It doesn’t matter the occasion or who or how many people are in attendance. When the day is done and it is time to disperse, the coats and purses are carefully returned to their owners and a full half-hour is given over to everyone crowding to the area by the door, hugging and kissing and exchanging heartfelt statements of love and affection to each and every other person. As you are caught in a loving embrace with your cousin there may be an aunt standing by for her turn because every person must exchange this greeting with everyone. You must mentally keep track of each person you greet because missing someone would be taboo. Those are the unspoken rules.
When I was a young child, I remember being very intimidated by this pageantry. Adults can get carried away and squeeze too hard or pinch cheeks, plus I hadn’t yet learned what to say or how to respond to such overt and outpourings of sentiment. This is high culture, a rich and meaningful ceremony established by our ancestors and carefully repeated through the years. Some of these people I may have only barely noticed and not spoken to during the entire day, but there they were hugging me close and telling me they loved me in a way I could not help but be touched by. I would not see these people but a few times a year. We lived several hours’ drive from each other. I did not grow up being watched by my grandma or having aunties around or cousins as playmates. This ceremony would stand to help solidify the status these people would have in my life that regular contact would have otherwise provided.
As I have gotten older I have grown to cherish this ritual. It can be awkward to grab my 16-year-old cousin over a turkey dinner or a backyard barbeque and tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her and will always be there for her no matter what. Or embrace my uncle and tell him how glad I am that he is looking so well and I hope he has health and happiness in his life. I think of these things during our times together. I collect all my loving thoughts and save them for this parting ritual. And now that our family is growing and babies are appearing again, it is time to impart this powerful ritual onto them. I will try to refrain from squeezing too hard or pinching cheeks. No promises.
