I Used to Be Religious

I used to be religious
I was a believer
In the world
but not of the world

I drank the blood
ate the flesh
spent time in the word
had devotionals

I prayed
worshipped
confessed
evangelized

I was sprinkled
dipped
prayed for
and had hands laid on

I was loved up-on
had fellowship
gave testimony
and received a calling

I had a personal relationship with the creator
and it was a man
I read the ancient texts
words passed down from ancient men

One day a light came on
I did not believe anymore
I didn’t just fall out of love with this dude
I dropped the intervening and relating God completely

With my feet on the dirty ground
And the only voice in my head my own
I feel peace
I feel whole

Without God on my side
I feel naked
Not in a vulnerable way
but in a way that marks me as a natural being

No one is coming to save me
there is no heavenly ever after
It is just me. My atoms
And the glorious mystery of life and love

That glorious mystery
was the root of my religious life
the sacred longing
the magic of unconditional love

Sometimes I catch myself
humming the hymns
I feel grateful for my religious time
for all I learned

I light a candle
I spend my love
I look up to the stars
and wonder at this grand opportunity of a life