In the video game world, if you get enough points, you go to another level where you have more skills and strengths and also new challenges. This is sometimes referred to as “leveling up.” That is about all I know about video games. But I have figured out a few things about leveling up outside of video gaming.
Little dreamer, next to me
shaded by the apple tree
not a sound do you make
I’ll be here when you wake
Little dreamer, next to me
shaded by the apple tree
Your birth was a promise
from me to you
that I would always have your back
no matter what
hard to hear no. But in Japanese, at least at first, it is even harder to say it. Yes and no are two of the first words I wanted to learn when I went to Japan. I remember clearly asking my friends how to say these words. They quickly taught me “hai” for yes. That was easy. But when it came to no, they hesitated to give a translation.
I have never watched my wedding video. It was so important to me back then to record it but it has never occurred to me to watch it. When my kids were growing up I took thousands of pictures of them. I had them printed, bought photo albums, and sorted those pictures into them. But have rarely looked at them.
The floor disappears beneath me
my cheeks flashing red like a stoplight
my hands at once wet and cold
where can I disappear to?
I am a person who has spent my life not understanding loyalty. I thought I did. I thought I was the most loyal person around. I was loyal to my friends, my family, and anything and anyone I associated with.
slap
swish
sneakers pound
three giggles
Down by the seashore
down by the sea
Johnny broke a bottle
and blamed it on me
Had I known it was the last time
I would have stopped to take in the moment
I would have leaned in and looked closely
Listened and touched and smelled and breathed it all in
I would have bottled it up into a sacred space inside me
a space I could return to
Wise sage speak your truth
but we will despise you for it
Stand up for what is right
and we will whisper about you in the shadows
Who else
would I rather drag a Uhaul with,
full of a 1000 piece Ikea jigsaw couch,
up the highway?
I never considered that I had a choice.
You, in my sphere.
Talking, never listening.
Taking without giving.
Demanding without offering.
Relying on the invisible ties that bind so tight.
When my son was two he wanted to build a snowman. He kept pointing to the mountain near our home and insisting to go. It was August. We piled in the car and headed up. We found some spots of snow, that summer melt that is both hard and wet. It wasn’t much but we managed a tiny snowman. And our son was elated. And you know what? We kind of were too.
It helps when I know we agree
hell, it helps to know when we just disagree
It helps when communication is clear
and sometimes it helps to just know less
Yesterday a friend of mine lamented that she felt unseen by her husband. His response to her mentioning an ailment or issue or discomfort was to cover over her voice loudly with his own pain.
Ethan was a 14-year-old drug addict, although we didn’t really know it quite yet. It was early. He had new friends and was not only smoking but selling pot as well. There were other substances too but what and how much was still unknown to us.
